Whoaaaaaaaaaaa Nellie! What a night, huh?! I tell you what, for late-June – the final Friday, actually – the content right now is insane. 

Now, next week is traditionally one of the slowest weeks of the entire year, so perhaps I’m jinxing us. 

BUT, we started last night with Mormon grooming accusations flying around the internet (we’ll get to it), 

and ended it with Joe Biden fulfilling his destiny – and the left’s destiny, frankly – of removing himself from the ticket in November. 

You’re fulfilling your destiny, Anakin.

You wanna know when that debate was cooked? And this is 100 percent true … 

We got home late last night, and I needed to take a dump before putting my kid to bed. We’ve all been there. 

You ever find yourself putting your kid to sleep, they’re almost asleep – you’ve worked so damn hard at this point – and then your stomach starts rumbling? The WORST. Talk about moments that make you stronger as a person. Whew. 

So, I avoided that last night and got the job done ahead of time. 

While in the bathroom, I noticed it was 9 p.m. on the dot, so I put down the Maxim magazine, flipped open my phone, and turned it on for a minute. I’m telling you, within 10 seconds, I was out. I knew exactly how the night was gonna unfold, and I bailed. 

Biden was gonna be absolutely incoherent 80 percent of the time (that was evident after his first sentence), and he’d lie through his teeth the other 20 percent. And that’s exactly what happened. 

Now, obviously, I watched a billion clips throughout the debate, so I kept up. Twitter had a HOF night last night, if we’re being honest. You guys CRUSHED it. Nice work. But I knew at 9:05 this debate was cooked. 

On that fiery note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we sink putts with Bri Teresi, who could almost assuredly beat Biden on a golf course … blindfolded. Easy money. 

What else? I’ve got Paulina Gretzky giddy-upping into the weekend, an ESPN cameraman under fire from TikTok’s Ice Cream Girl, and Mark Cuban continuing to be just the biggest dummy on this planet. 

OK. Enough talk, more action – as Toby would say. 

Grab a Dark & Stormy for me to mourn my final day on Nantucket, and settle in for a Mixed Bag Friday ‘Cap!

Bri Teresi shows Joe Biden how to sink a putt

I know Twitter exploded over the Biden/Trump golf stuff last night, which makes it old news today, but still … I couldnt’ get enough of it. 

And, frankly, I thought OutKick led the way with some solid tweets:

Credit to Dan for doing the Big J work and looking up Joe’s actual handicap. That’s the sort of work I always appreciate. I mean, it’s in no way true. Joe’s as much of a 6.7 as I am – and I am NOT. But still, I do respect Sleepy for hanging his nuts on the table like a true American and lying his ass off about his golf game. 

Frankly, it was the only normal thing he did last night. 

Anyway, golf influencer Bri Teresi – a big Trump girl, by the way – decided to check in and show Joe Biden how to properly dominate on the golf course. 

Mark Cuban refuses to bend the knee 

Good line, good form, good stroke, solid contact – take notes, Joe! And welcome back to class, Bri. Been far too long. With election season upon us, I have a feeling you’re about to become a summer school staple. We’ll see. 

Now, let’s quickly call on quite possibly the most insufferable person in today’s class … Mark Cuban!

Mark, thoughts on last night’s debate? You’re a big Biden guy, I know. Surely you’re feeling a little dumb today?

ESPN cameraman took a chance

What did Randy Jackson used to say? It’s a no from me, dog. 

I mean, is Mark serious with some of these comments? He CAN’T be, right? He HAS to be trolling us at this point. 

Trump couldn’t directly answer a single question and lied with every response. 

Joe Biden literally started the debate by saying this piece of crap economy was Trump’s fault. TRUMP! Mark, the economy under Trump was insane. You know it better than anyone. Talk about lying. 

Joe could have held his own against a candidate that actually can discuss policy. But that wasn’t the challenge last night and Joe wasn’t prepared or capable of dealing with Donald and his style. 

Mark … that was the most tame, toned down, vanilla Donald Trump we have EVER seen or heard. If Joe can’t handle that, he is COOKED. 

In fact, his non answers about J6 and election acceptance should scare every American about his interest in upholding his oath to the constitution 

WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT JAN. 6. IT’S THE ECONOMY, STUPID! MY GOD. 

He answered the questions he was asked, even if the presentation was underwhelming.

I say the same thing about my two-year-old when I ask her what she wants for dinner. For instance, last night she said “rabbit” because we just saw one run across the road. So, I guess if that’s the standard you’re holding for the most powerful person in the world, nice job, Joe! Four more!

These people are sick. It’s baffling. But, again, this is what I told you would happen in yesterday’s class. No matter how bad Biden was – and he was baddddddd – the Never Trumpers wouldn’t be swayed. And it’s because they are morons. Plain and simple. 

Now, as Rex Ryan once said, let’s go eat a damn snack (ice cream)!

Kyle Filipowski and Paulina Gretzky take us into a big weekend

Well then! What a rant. Honestly, it was pretty good. The double bird to ESPN at the end was an excellent finale. 

I think I’m gonna give ESPN a pass here, which is a tough thing to do for me because they’re awful. But, come on. 

Did any normal person who happened to be watching that game at that moment think twice about this moment? Of course not. Hence, the word “normal.” Now, are there a ton of weirdos and creeps on the internet and on TikTok? Hell yes. But I’m not sure how that’s ESPN’s fault. 

And by the way, camera operators – men and women, I’m quite sure – have been panning the crowds at sporting events for decades now. It’s sort of in the handbook – especially at a baseball game, where there’s a lot of downtime. 

Reminds me of this all-time moment from Red Sox greats Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy (RIP):

Never gets old. God, I miss those two. The best. 

Rapid-fire time to wrap up the week! First up? Anyone keeping up with this Kyle Filipowksi/Mormon girlfriend story that’s slowly trickling out after the NBA Draft? 

I wrote about it this morning. If you really want the nuts and bolts of this drama, head here after the final bell. 

Bottom line? Kyle’s brother and mom are accusing Kyle’s 28-year-old girlfriend of “Mormon grooming” him and forcing him to cut off his family, and they say this all started his senior year of high school because her end-goal was to get a ring slapped on her finger after he left Duke. 

For the rest of the story, head to your local Lifetime channel STAT! 

But seriously, I’m not sure it’s time to draw any definitive conclusions yet … but this Instagram post from Kyle certainly doesn’t help:

People will stare. Make it worth their while. 

Whoooooooof. Not great. Certainly … odd. I’ll leave it at that. 

But hey, Kyle’s a member of the Utah Jazz now, so all this Mormon mumbo-jumbo will surely go away!

OK, that’s it for today. I’ve got a road trip to re-pack for. Sad. See you Monday. 

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Source: New York Post